La Famille Diez
How’d you get from a dance studio to the altar?
It was fate. I was living in Paris and one day my French roommate invited me to her African dance class. That’s where I first saw Fernando, my husband. He’s a percussionist and played for the class. He was with two other percussionists, all shirtless, and everyone was sweating and dancing. I thought, “Wow, who is that?!”
Sounds like something out of the movies.
We all went to a café after class. Suddenly, Fernando looked right into my eyes and, basically, I was toast. We all went to a party later and he spoke English! Very well! We had instant chemistry and talked, laughed, flirted, and danced all evening. That was the beginning of our now 23 years together.
How do you define your multi-ethnic family?
Gee, I don’t know, maybe GLOBAL! I guess we are Franco-American in that we all speak French and English, we go to France every year, our son went to a French school for six years. But we also have the Spanish, Japanese-Hawaiian and pioneer stock Irish-British in there as well.
You relocated to California from France in 1993. Why?
Although I love Paris and consider it one of my homes, I was having trouble finding work and that was hard on me. We began discussing a possible move to Los Angeles. I figured it would be a good place for my husband’s music career. Even so, these were not easy conversations. I was always saying, “I’m not asking you to move to Ohio. It’s LA!” Then one morning Fernando just said, “I think I could see myself living in LA.” It was a huge breakthrough and I’m so grateful that he was willing to take that leap.
January 6th, the Feast of the Epiphany, is big in France. How do you celebrate?
We love making and eating a Galette des Rois, a flaky, puff pastry with sweet, almond paste inside. You bake a little ceramic feve, or favor, inside the cake. When it’s time to cut the cake, the youngest person in the room gets under the table and the person cutting the cake asks, “Okay, who gets this piece?” And the youngest chooses who gets each piece. Whoever bites into the piece with the feve becomes the king and wears a crown that you’ve made that day. My son is always asking, “Can’t we make it on other days other than for Galette des Rois?” It’s so delicious!
Do you ever get tripped up by your cultural differences?
I think there are certain things that you can’t relate to unless you grew up somewhere. So there are things we may not feel or experience in the same way, but we try to at least be understanding of them. But yeah, sometimes in an argument we may say something like, “Oh, that’s so FRENCH!” or “Oh, very American.” LOL. On the plus side, we’ve got family in Hawaii and Paris. I mean, it could be worse, right?
Any tips for other cross-cultural couples?
Embracing your spouse’s family and culture as your own goes a long way. Fernando says that he appreciates my “French-ness” very much and that it’s made it easier for him to live in the U.S. The fact that I speak French, that I lived there and loved it and continue to love it and want to go there, that I learned how to prepare French meals and that we eat in a traditionally French way. For my part, I appreciate his relationship with my mother. He calls her “Mom” and she knows that he’s there for her.
The best part about being in a cross-cultural relationship?
Oh, my gosh, I love it! I can’t imagine anything else at this point after 23 years. It expands your experiences and your world view. Even now, we still discover new things about each other. We still correct each other’s language mistakes and the way we say things or interpret things can still crack us up. It keeps life interesting and fun!
Got a question or comment for Alisa and Fernando? Let’s hear it in the comments box!
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Here in Pennsylvania, the Shrove Tuesday tdrtiaion is fastnachts, which are a kind of donut. And at our Presbyterian church back in Maryland, they always had a pancake supper in the British tdrtiaion. I’ll do either one. This year, hubby will bring donuts home.
I know, Susan, it does sound like movie, doesn’t it? French pastries – yummy, for sure!
What a beautiful family. Loved their story of meeting and falling in love. It sounds like a movie.
My favorite part of Paris is the pastries! I’d be gigantic if I lived there.
What a great story. I soo believe in Fate and Destiny. I met my husband camping in a Mayan ruin in Guatemala. I never even heard of Guatemala before staying there, nonetheless, marrying one and living here!
Love works in weird but wonderful ways!
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I do too, Marina. Those of us who are lucky enough to have experienced it, recognize it in others. The “knowledge” I experienced when I met him was completely different from any other relationship…I KNEW…it was like an incredible calm and from the first meeting a voice in my head said that I could trust him with my life. Crazy but true
It’s interesting to read about this now. It speaks volumes of how many of our views have changed. I grew up with a French mother and an American father. My father didn’t want my mother to speak French because he was afraid that she wouldn’t assimilate into American culture. The truth is that roots run deep no matter where we end up on this planet. I’m so glad that despite my father’s attempts to keep us from being anything but American, there is still a lot about me that harkens back to my European half. They are perhaps, only little things, like the way I always say “Bon Appetit” before a meal or sing lullabies in French, and I know for sure my French relatives would see me as pure American, but the pure Americans out here see me as part French. Thank goodness Alisa and Fernando have evolved enough to incorporate the best of both worlds into their son. That’s what REAL Americans are – a melange of the best of everything and anything this whole world has to offer!
Lovely blog, thanks for sharing.
Welcome, Tiprin, and thanks for sharing your lovely reminiscences about your childhood and growing up in a Franco-American family. It is true that roots run deep no matter where we end up. I’m guessing that it was your mother that sang you lullabies in French. I was really touched reading that that’s one “little thing” you do in French. It’s such a sweet image – picturing your mom tucking you in at night and then you passing those songs onto your kids.
Hi Dinah, Daria and Sarah. Thanks so much for stopping by. Yes, I think there is a common unspoken understanding among cross-cultural couples/families, Dinah. How wonderful to have had the opportunity to live in Germany and great that your daughter has dual citizenship. Alas, I don’t think my kids have that option right now. Daria, yes, I agree – the Galette des Rois sounds a lot like mardi gras cake. I’m guessing the tradition may have been introduced to the new world/the Americas by the French and the Spanish explorers. There’s also the almost identical tradition of the “rosca de reyes” in Spain and Latin America. Just the recipes seems to differ. I wonder who/what culture started the whole tradition? Sarah, check out Alisa’s link above to a recipe for galette des rois. I’m sure your kids would love it!
Ah, what a sweet love story. The Galette des Rois sounds like so much fun, my kids’ would love to do something like that.
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That galette de rois sounds a lot like the mardi gras cake – the “baby” is baked into it and whoever gets the piece with the baby has to provide the cake the following year.
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I know the Diez family personlly, her mom is one of my dearest friends, and really enjoyed Alisa’s commentary as I think we never have had that conversation…which is ironic since we are a cross-cultural family also. Perhaps when you live in a cross cultural marriage there is just an unspoken understanding with others who are living the same life.
My husband is German and I am American and we have a daughter who is dual citizenship and we also resided in my husbands country for 6 yrs. Bottom line…despite the obvious challenges of blending two cultures it is truly a blessing to have this experience, particularly if you have children.
Great story and such a beautiful family! I wonder, can you send me your recipe for Galette des Rois?
Hi Paul,
There are a few ways to make it but here is a link to one that also has links to making the puff pastry from scratch. I often just use the frozen puff pastry and it’s delicious too!
http://www.easy-french-food.com/king-cake-recipe.html
This is great! Loved reading it. I love seeing families embrace and thrive off of sharing culture!
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I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that I forgot that after the king is crowned for Galette des Rois, he picks his queen for the day…or queen picks her king
Thx Justine. Very fun to be part of your blog!
so very cool and exotic! i’m picturing the steamy first meeting scene, it could totally be from a movie!
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